And by in the mood, I mean calm and, um, not like you need to go to the bathroom. (We’ve all heard the horror stories and the last thing anyone wants is to find out if you can really die of embarrassment). I’m not usually a proponent of using booze as a facilitator in the sack, but in this case, a glass of red wine may help relax your muscles. If you’re too tense or uncomfortable, that back door will lock down like a panic room and ain’t no one getting in.
Anal play is your friend! There are tons of nerve endings surrounding your anus, so take advantage of this little-explored pleasure center by asking your man to use his mouth and fingers. Also, if you’ve had trouble reaching orgasms in the past, you might find that it’s just what you’ve needed to send you over the top.
If there’s one thing you take away from this list, it’s that anal sex = lube. Unlike the vagina, the anus doesn’t make its own to bring to the party, so it’s vital to find a brand you like that’s NOT oil-based, but rather water or silicone-based (I recommend silicone so you don’t have to bother reapplying). Oil-based lubricants aren’t compatible with condoms and will defeat its purpose.
I know, this one sounds simple, but you wouldn’t believe how much it helps, and how often we hold our breath. When you breathe deeply, you can put a stop to the noise in your head and relax your muscles at the same time. It’s a win-win!
Be sure to let your partner know that the key here is to be gentle. In fact, he should start by inserting his penis little by little so that you get used to the feeling and maintain some control. (Note: the anus is S-shaped and won’t respond well to being aggressively poked.)
This is a big DON’T. Sticking his penis back into your vagina after anal sex without putting on a fresh condom can cause infections. And you don’t want that!